If you need a tap fixed you might call a plumber, but I think I may have a much better idea. Call Tony Blair or Ruth Kelly or any other of the hopeless, talent free morons who runs this, once, fine country of ours.
Bear with me - at least for a moment or two. I have a problem here. For some reason Tony thinks he knows about drinking problems... Little Miss Kelly thinks she knows about education... And there was little old me thinking that plumbers fix taps therefore it might be reasonable to think that education might be best left in the hands of educators and drinking issues - well, this seems a little more weird but stay around and all will be revealed.
Sadly, I have a very good friend who I am losing to alcoholism. Aha, I hear you cry, someone to benefit from 24 hour drinking... Not exactly, even he thinks it is a total disaster waiting to happen. Maybe Blair views drinking for sobriety in the same way that he seems to believe in killing people for peace.
Has anyone else noticed a particularly worrying trend in modern politics? The members of the House now seem to have found a new career path to the top of our legislature and it's frighteningly simple. Almost a twelve step programme, perhaps?
First, go to University.
Second, do politics or history or economics or whatever else you fancy.
Third, leave clutching your grubby little piece of paper.
Fourth, become a political researcher / advisor / crawler etc.
Fifth, become an MP.
This is where the whole thing becomes a little scary. We are entrusting our country to a group of people who have a relationship only with themselves. Suddenly we have dispensed with self understanding, self awareness or... wait for it... any damned experience of anything except being part of the problem.
It all adds up to a disastrous deficit at the heart of the nation. The people who rule 'us' are no longer of 'us'. What experience does Blair or Kelly or Milliband (both of them) or any of the others (with the noble exception of the mouth of the Humber, Mr Prescott who at least had a job at one point) actually have? These people seem to enjoy fantastic views of the world along the lines of, "I may not be a teacher but I've been to school". Sorry, people - NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
If you are going to inform my life then you have to understand it.
Perhaps you remain in denial because you have yet to get past stage five so maybe I can offer a little advice. Don't get into politics until you can (or at least have tried) to do something else - and I'm not talking about a cushy number in Chambers.
Until then, dear politicians, you do not represent me.
And so, I shall stick to my maxim. If someone asks for your vote then don't forget that they're exactly the sort of person who doesn't deserve it - and until Mr Blair pops round to fix my taps while Ruth Kelly holds his spanner my opinion is not going to change.
